1. Lots of pillows or just one?
Three.  Two for my head, one comfort pillow.

2. What kinds of books do you read?
Fiction, manga, sci-fi, fantasy.

3. What are your most awesome skills?
My gf knows this one ;)  hyuk hyuk.  But in all seriousness, I'm a quick learner.  Especially with stuff like games and sports.

4. What's your occupation?
QA Manager for a video game company

5. If you had to dress up for a costume party right this second, what would you want to dress as?
Ninja turtle.  Donatello.

6. What's the last thing you ate?
10oz medium rare burger with cheddar cheese, mushrooms, avocado, lettuce, and tomato with a side of cajun fries.

7. What's been making you smile lately?
Cooking.  For myself and for others.

8. Television or movies?
Movies.  I don't have a laptop nor do I keep my computer in the same room as my TV.

9. What was the last thing you bought?
Burger mentioned above.

10. What's the cutest thing you've seen today?
A beagle puppy sticking his head out the car window as I was driving to work.

11. Do you get cravings? If so, what do you crave?
Yep.  Food, usually.  Sometimes games.  And other manly needs.

12. Who would you go gay/straight for?
Will Smith.  Maybe.

13. What's your zodiac sign?
Pisces, Boar.

14. Do you want to learn another language?
Just like Cath, I want to learn Japanese and/or get better at Mandarin.

15. Soup or salad?
Soup.

16. Favorite place you've ever been?
Home.

17. Shoes or barefoot?
Barefoot when I'm relaxing at home.

18. Say something to the person who tagged you.
Healz plz.  kthxbye.

19. What are you reading right now?
Manga. 

20. What's your favorite animal?
I'm always surprised how I get caught off-guard by this question every time.  Dragon, maybe?  Dog?  Velociraptor?

21. What is your favorite vacation destination?
Disneyland?

22. Would you say that you're responsible with money?
Yeah, for the most part.  I tend to save a lot, but I have moments of carelessness where I spend more than I plan to.  I always make up for it by spending less on the next thing I want.

23. Does the weather affect your mood?
Probably not in the sense of the context of this question.  When it rains, I appreciate and hate the rain for the effects it has (cools the weather, cleans the air, washes my car, but prevents me from walking outside, gets my shoes wet, cancels sports games).

24. What song is in your head right now? If the answer is none, what was the last song you had in your head?
It was a Mozart piece that I don't know the name of.  It was a piano concerto though.

Haven't done one in a while.  Could be fun?


Do you like your name?
I've grown to like it.  Robert doesn't sound very sexy at all, but it carries a level of sophistication that I think is representative of my personality.

Have you ever wished to be your opposite sex?
I used to think about it way back in high school.  I thought girls attracted guys way more easily than guys attracted girls.  And while I wasn't attracted to guys at all, the prospect of increasing my chances of getting a significant other was appealing.

Do you like kids?
Only the ones who are well-behaved.  And not ugly.

What’s your favorite word?
Pneumonoultramicroscopisilicovolcanoconiosis.  Though I never actually use it that often.  Most frequently used expression is "wtf".

Have you ever tYpED lYk dIs at some point in your life?
Heck no.

What’s your dream career?
Any job that pays me to do very little work.  Or a producer for a video game company.  Or is that redundant?

If you could be any other race, what would you be?
White.  I like Asian girls and Asian girls like white guys.  I'd probably be taller too.

What are you listening to right now?
The drone of office background noise.  Keys typing and the low rumble of voices.

Grab any book by you, turn to page 69 and type out the last full sentence here:
"By asking clarifying questions you make it clear to the person whom you're asking that understanding him is your first priority." The Game Producer's Handbook.

Do you like country music? Rap?
No and no.  I don't mind them, but I don't like them.

How would you like to die?
Doing something I love.

Do you like taking pictures (not necessarily of yourself)?
I'm a bit of a voyeur.  I like to admire pictures of people or places or animals.

Ice cream or popsicles?
Ice cream ftw.

The last time you left your house? Where did you go?
2 and a half hours ago.  Driving to work.

Are you loving life?
It's pretty good.  Much better when I have someone to share it with.

Do you like the way you write?
I don't, but for some reason everyone else does.  It boggles my mind.

What’s your favorite animal?
Dragon! 

Are you hungry right now?
Not after that delicious blueberry muffin from Costco.

Turn on your TV (unless it’s already on). What’s playing?
The TV in the office kitchen is showing Rachel Ray's talk show.  Not my choice!

What’s your favorite Pokemon?
Mew!

What was the last thing you watched on YouTube?
The Wiggles (aka most disturbing G-rated video clip evar). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVV4h38wnMI

Are you cool with bugs?
It's my job to find them.  So I value their existence as far as it ensures my job security, but I hate them because not being able to find them ruins my job security.  Insects are all right.

Do you like Halloween?
It's okay.  I haven't really done much for it in the past several years.  I like seeing other people dress up.  And I would too if I wasn't too lazy about getting a good costume and putting it on.

What do you want for your birthday/Christmas?
You <3

Have you ever fasted?
Kinda.  I've had the stomach flu two or three times now, in my life.  Had to stop eating for a few days to get over it.

What’s going on tomorrow?
Another day at work.  Basketball at lunch.

Are you doing well in school?
All things considered, I did only okay in college.  But since graduating, I've been getting straight As in my classes (ones I sign up for separately).

Do you have online friends?
Yeah.  A few really close ones.

What’s your favorite board game?
Risk.

How much money’s in your wallet?
$22.  Plus $40 emergency money.

When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Sunday.  I was on the phone with my gf when all of a sudden she said I started sounding like Darth Vader underwater.  It freaked her out so she wanted to hang up.  I thought that was hilarious.

Do you believe there’s such thing as a non-racist person?
I don't think I'm racist.  Sure I might stereotype someone based on how they look, but I don't think any one race is superior to another.  I think superiority is more on an individual person basis.

What do you do for fun at home?
Play video games, read manga, watch anime, watch movies, read, chat with friends, surf the web.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
The road was sleeping with his wife.

Do you like your voice?
People say it can be sexy.  A friend of mine said it'd be a good voice for a pilot to have.  Like when they say what altitude we're cruising at, what time we expect to arrive, and how the weather is looking.

Can you imitate something/someone well?
Darth Vader...

What’s your favorite amusement park?
Disneyland.  A bit of everything.  Though I miss going to Universal Studios (haven't been there for many years).

What’s something you do at home that you don’t do in public?
Whistle to my music.

What’s something you regret doing as a child?
Stealing.

Have you ever met a gay person?
Many.

Where do you think wind comes from?
Farts.

What color are your fingernails?
Colorless.

Do you like animal crackers?
They're all right.  Not a huge fan.

Can you do a split?
Definitely not.

Have you ever done anything stupid at a drive-thru?
No.

What’s something you’re proud of?
Moving up through the ranks as fast as I have.  Normally it takes people several years to get to the position I'm in right now.  I did it in 3.

Do you think you’d be a cool teacher?
I like to think I would.  I'm usually very patient and people say I explain things well.  I'm also young and hip.

Do you know what the number 69 represents?
Yeah.  It's the page this list asked me to go to in a book not 10 minutes ago.

If you could be any animal in the world, what would you like to be?
Some sort of bird of prey.

Are you the jealous type?
I am, unfortunately.  But only when it comes to relationship stuff.  Definitely not jealous about material things or skills.

What fingers do you use to type?
All of them.  Some more than others, but that's more determined by the words I type.

Is there something you need to have/to do to be able to sleep?
Closure to whatever it is my last activity was before I decided to head to bed.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
I always dread the drive to work, so I'm always unhappy when I wake up on a weekday.  Once I get to work, anything can happen.

Do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school?
Quite often, actually.  I'm very close friends a handful of people from elementary school.  All of us stayed close to home, so it's easy to keep in touch.

In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
Hoodies.  But I'd be hard-pressed to find a hoodie that could keep me warm enough on the East Coast.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Home would be great, thanks.

Have you ever kissed someone that smokes?
No.  But I've kissed someone that has tried smoking.  Long story and not a very happy one.

Have you ever dated/or had a crush on a guy named John?
Gross.  No.

Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
Yeah, but not if I have work the next day.

Do you like to cuddle?
I do.

Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment?
Not worried about commitment itself, but I do constantly question myself whether or not it's the right person.  I have to be sure, after all.

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now?
Not at the moment, but certainly in the recent past I have been.  Co-workers of mine.

Is someone on your mind right now?
Not at the forefront, but yes.

When’s the next time you’ll see your closest friend?
Not for a few weeks.  I'm going on vacation to see my gf this Friday.

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
Yes, considering I'm in public right now.

Is it easy to make you smile?
You can make me smile without fail as long as you find out the right buttons.

Are you starting to realize anything?
I should be doing work.

One thing you’re looking forward to?
This Friday when I fly out to Providence.

If you could have something right now, what would it be?
The whole rest of the week off.

Does anyone call you babe?
No.  Never.

Do you have any bruises?
I probably do.  I have a habit of not noticing them or even how I get them until I somehow press on something and it feels sore.

Which is better sunrise or sunset?
Sunset.  Though I read that all those nice colors are caused by chemicals in the atmosphere that shouldn't be there.  And there was also this amazing sunrise this one time when the entire sky was bright pink.

Are you dating the person you text most?
Yeah.  And by texting most, I mean like once every other week.

What were you doing at 12 o’clock last night?
Playing my DS in bed.

Have you ever gotten butterflies from someone?
Yeah, but not for a while.

Is there anything stressing you out currently?
Yes.  I've been thrown onto a new project that I wasn't prepared for as a replacement for someone else who wasn't good enough.

Do you remember what you were like a year ago?
Thinner and less knowledgeable.

Who are you missing the most right now?
A few people.  An online friend, a few real life friends, and my gf.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
The person I stole this from.

Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Yes.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a D or C?
No.  Why is this question even on here?  It's like the one asking if I've ever had a crush on a person named John.

When someone says “we need to talk”, what do you think is going to happen?
Either really good news or really bad news.

Does anything on your body hurt right now?
My head.  Some guy ran his head into mine trying to steal the basketball from me yesterday during lunch.

Do you wear glasses?
At home when I take out my contacts.  And then only usually on weekends.

Are you going anywhere for the next summer?
Hadn't planned to yet.

Do you have plans today?
Have to ramp up on my new project as quickly as possible, introduce myself to the leadership team, win at football during lunch today, and play games when I get home.

I was recently rejected from a job that I really wanted.  Although it's kind of silly to call it a job I really wanted, because why would I want to leave my job here at EA where I have a great network and reputation?  The job did have a nice title going for it: Associate Producer.  Production's been what I wanted to get into at the start of my video game career.  The position also had the added benefit of moving me to Massachusetts, which is well within driving distance to my gf.

But I didn't get it, and it blows.  The feedback I got was that I was a solid candidate and they were very impressed with the interview.  And the only reason I didn't get the job was because someone else had more production experience than I did.  I've always hated the whole "experience" thing.  How can I gain the experience to qualify for the job if you'll never hire me on to get it?  Bottom line is I wasn't good enough, so I have to keep learning and trying for opportunities.  I do want to leave EA if only to get away from all the bureaucracy.  I hate doing things just because someone says I have to do it.  I want to do things the way I see fit.

I want to thank my friend for motivating me to try to start blogging once again.  She recently shared her very personal blog with me, which got me thinking about mine once again.

I'm getting close to the end of my first game where I was acting as the Project Lead (one rank above my current job title).  It's been a pretty wild journey considering I was thrown into this role with very little additional preparation.  Last project (Red Alert 3), I was turned into a Senior Test Lead because I had Senior Test Lead responsibilities.  And on this one, I feel like I was doing much of the same thing except now I didn't have anyone to look over my shoulder and tell me if I was forgetting anything or doing anything wrong.  That was the source of stress for me.

I can't say for sure what expectations were of me.  Obviously they were confident that I would not totally crash and burn, but would I be allowed to make some mistakes?  Could I get away with not doing a great job and still be considered successful?  It's because those questions weren't answered that I was freaking out a lot on this project.  I spent a great deal of time trying to grow my test leads into the kinds of leads that could be responsible, would not be afraid to speak up, could make their own decisions, and could lead a small team of their own.  I did that because I wanted a group of people who could back me up when I fell short or who could point out what I was doing wrong without it going up to my manager.

So here we are near the end.  We have only 3 weeks left to go before this sucker gets signed-off and sent to manufacturing.  The development team feels great about the state of the game.  They say it plays well and they don't have a lot of bugs they have to fix.  I'm freaking out on my end, still feeling like there is always more testing that could be done but I don't have enough people or time to do it.  But the dev team says it's good.  And my testers say it feels really good.  Yet there's this voice in my head that keeps telling me over and over that I have to keep doing more and more and that there's gotta be something that's going to come back and bite me.  And I need to find it.  I probably have atychiphobia.  Fear of failure.

On a related note, Red Alert 3: Uprising will be available for download mid March.

I have so many more close female friends than I do guy friends.  This isn't the case at work (obviously) and wasn't the case before college.  For some reason I just don't connect with my guy friends on an emotional level (other than the circle jerks and subsequent collective orgasming at awesome video games).  As a result, I'm much more ready to call my female friends my best friends than I am with the guys.  However, with most of my female friends I don't really get to appreciate my nerdy habits.  They'll join me for Wii or Rock Band sessions (sometimes), but shy away from MMOs and the like.  I do have one girl who can do these things with me but she lives far, far away.  Too far for a really serious friendship.  She reads this blog so I hope she isn't offended by my calling our friendship "unserious."

So do I want to connect to my guy friends like this?  Not really.  It's not a deficiency.  I'm not finding myself troubled and in need to talk to someone, and my only choice is one of my guy friends.  It's also a manliness issue.  Guys who talk to guys about feelings are weak sauce.  Guys who talk to girls about feelings are sensitive.  It's not what I believe, but that's the established social stigma.  There's also a certain prejudice to the belief that girls are more understanding about this subject.  Even some of my closer girl friends never turn to me when they just want to talk.  Granted I am somewhat inexperienced in this area seeing as how I've only ever been in one relationship, but I've been through pains similar to break-ups.  I've had many, many disappointments and failures.  I even have secrets.

It's sometimes troublesome to have a bunch of female friends, though.  When you have a girlfriend, you have to make completely sure that what you're doing can't be misinterpreted.  And there are some lines you just shouldn't be crossing, whether or not you have a girlfriend.  One of my friends who has confided in guys before, who complains to other guys about her woes (whoas) with her boyfriend, end up attracting them.  Her guy friends think it's their chance to step in and "save her from the evil dragon" but that's really not the case.  If she wanted to be saved, she'd make it clear.  Guys love to invent stuff in their minds.  But I digress.  That's usually not a good line to cross especially if your female friend has not yet broken up with said dragon.  What happened?  All the guys ended up not really being friends with her anymore.  If you're in it for the friendship, keep it that way.  If you're in it for something else, I hope your right arm is in good shape.

I've fallen out of contact with a lot of friends I wish I hadn't.  I always wonder how they're doing, what monsters they've slain, the villages they've saved, the hearts they've broken.  I only wonder about my female friends, though.  The guy friends... not so much.  Just about the damsels they may have rescued.

You know what's sad?  I've grown out of the habit of writing.  That's probably why updating this thing hasn't been a priority on any of my to-do lists.  To update: life has been boring.  I'm not really in a slump, but I am certainly not where I want to be.  All the momentum I thought I had has dissipated.  So what now?

I have an idea of what I want to do.  I'm slowly working towards it.  But it's gotten pretty hard.  Despite life being boring, it's comfortable.  You fall into this routine of expectations and it's easy to do and just let it pass on by.  I'm sure it's killing me slowly, and yet it's difficult to get out.

How do you overcome?

Christmas is weird this year. The past few years felt like it was a huge deal and everyone was into it. This time around, it's like a fart in the wind. It's coming quickly and will probably leaving just as quickly, without leaving that much of an impression.

Horrible timing on my part then, to suddenly get in a giving mood. I bought gifts for a lot of people this year. Normally, I don't get anything and don't expect anything except with my girlfriend. Last year, my friends got me a gift and so I got each of them one in return. This year? I got stuff for family, friends, co-workers, even my valet guys. Bill is probably $1500+.

Oh well. Once in a blue moon I get into this mood anyway so it balances out.

Here I am, once again treading water in the sea of senseless drivel and oral diarrhea.  I've been blogless for nearly a year and no one has missed it.  I never wrote anything meaningful anyway.

This entry is more of a test: to see if this blogging stuff works again.  The plan is to keep this private save for a select few people so that I don't ever feel like holding back.